I am here because I need a place of solace.
My name is Mohamad Faisal Imran Kamarizan and I am currently a 4th year Electrical Engineering student in the University of Queensland, Australia. I came here as early as February 2013 in the hopes of getting good education for my future. I previously completed a semester in Uniten, Kajang. However, seeing the potential in me, my mom urged me to further my studies overseas with the help of an agent and Alhamdulillah I'm here doing more than the average Malaysian is doing. But the question is:
Is it really worth it?
By right, I should be done with my studies in roughly a week from now where I only have one exam paper to sit. Unfortunately, that is not the case.
The experience of studying here is incredible. It opened my eyes to so many perspectives and it helped me a lot in throwing away any prejudice within my mind. But the downside is, I didn't manage myself well. I've had a few courses (this is what we call subjects here) failed and I did try my best to catch up. But when I do catch up, I fall back down again. This time really, really hard. To imagine how bad it seems, I don't see any chance of passing my thesis.
With all these uncertainties, I've put myself in a lot of shit. There's the disappointment from my parents. The worry that my application to extend my studies be rejected. The possibility of burdening the people I love. All these are overwhelming and are slowly dragging me down. I'm losing focus and it's tiring having to cry over and over again within the same week.
So, back to the question. Is it really worth it?
Dear Faisal Imran,
ReplyDeleteI too know what it feels like to question such things. I was not exceptional at the university I studied and I left the college upon graduation as a person who I definitely did not plan to become when I first started college, for better or worse.
What I am trying to say is, at these very challenging times, you have to tell yourself to take one day at a time, and believe whole-heartedly that a lot of people around you only wish the best for you. Believe it or not, questioning whether everything's worth it really does not help you in any way. Stop, and focus on the tasks at hand, one by one.
I know I know and I deeply know that having to live in the struggle is infinitely tougher than watching the struggle unfolding from the sideline. So, no one could actually say the exact right thing that you want to hear right now.
So, dear Faisal Imwain, try your best to put your worries aside. If a thesis deadline is coming, just keep working super hard on it, and tell yourself that you'll only start freaking out about it 2 weeks before the deadline. Any time before that, just focus your energy on working towards a goal, and don't allow yourself to be distracted by any worries.
Lastly, be best friends with God, He's pretty cool, just spill everything to Him!
I wish you all the best, my dear friend!
-Liyana